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Friday, September 15, 2006

Space and time: a reflection

Oh man. I just got the whole "I like you...but" speech. As in, "I like you, but I need some time and space. We're so different. This is so much work, and I just don't know if I have the energy for it right now." Time and space, huh? Would that we all had the luxury to ask for that--"Yeah, master's program? I think I just need a little space right now. I'm feeling a bit smothered by you--the papers and exams, they fly at me so fast and I just don't think I can deal with them at the moment. Can we talk again in a couple of weeks?"

Ugh. I fucking hate this shit. Obviously. I am a little bit confused by how it all happened. As I've written, there was one day with no contact. Then yesterday when I got home, there was a message on my answering machine from him. When we were talking, he asked me what I was doing that evening:

Boy: What are you up to tonight?
Girl: Nothing. I'll probably do some laundry. How about you?
Boy: Well, I was thinking of visiting you.
Girl: Ooh, really? If you do, though, you gotta know that it's all about me tonight.
Boy: What does that mean?
Girl: That means, like, hella massages. [Yeah, I know. "Hella"? What the fuck?] You totally owe me!
Boy [getting a little pissy]: Uh, I don't "owe" you anything. If I come see you, it's cause I want to, not cause I feel obligated to.

Well, that little wrinkle had to be smoothed out, and then things were fine. Sort of. I told him a story about work yesterday, and how I tried to bribe one of my friends to get me a cookie with some high demand books, but she was having none of it. He said, "I would've totally gotten you a cookie, but I guess not everyone is as nice as me, including you."

And here is where I go off on a little tangent/rant about the importance of being nice. First of all, if you're looking for "nice," you're seriously barking up the wrong tree. I am nothing if not not "nice." I don't usually go out of my way to be mean, and I certainly don't think I'm cruel, but I'm definitely not one of those people who you meet and go, "Oh, she is so nice." Second of all, what a lame, bland adjective anyway. I'm not sure, and correct me if I'm wrong, but it would seem to me that only boring people are nice. People without opinions, without standards, without actual fucking experiences--those are nice people. I don't WANT to be charming and smiley to everyone. Why? Cause that means that instead of repelling all of the fucktards that I repel, I would actually have to be chummy with them. Clearly, this is not something I am interested in. And third of all, GIRLS AREN'T NICE. News flash? Apparently. Here I was, thinking that everyone knew that already, but I guess not. None of my girlfriends are nice. They can be, sure, and they're all very caring people, but I wouldn't go out of my way to describe them as nice. Girls, women, whatever, are complex and emotional and intelligent and manipulative and caring and funny and about a billion other things. BUT WE'RE NOT NICE. So fucking get over it.

I didn't exactly tell him all of that; what I did say is that I'm not nice, I've never really aspired to being nice, and there's not a lot about that that's gonna change any time soon. Anyway, I convinced him to come over, which he did. He brought a "cheer Tasha up" care package that included: M&Ms (I'm eating them for breakfast as I write this), Cadbury Fruit & Nut, Real Fruit gummies, chocolate milk, and a comic book. I went to the LCBO and bought wine, so we had wine and ate candy. We watched The Office. We went to bed. We woke up this morning. (There is some other stuff that happened in between the last two that I can't write about on this blog.)

He was getting ready to leave, after we'd discussed some issues related to the thing I can't write about, and before he did, he climbed back into bed with me, spooned me and said, "I like you." I said, "I like you too. Is there a 'but' after that?" He said there was, and that's when I got the space and time speech.

So, if any of you see me this weekend (with Kristen from the internet and Alli), I'll be the really, really drunk girl who will be polling everyone, trying to find out what is wrong with me and why I can't seem to keep a guy around for longer than a month.

Hope your Friday is better than mine.

4 Comments:

  • ok, did he put into your head that you aren't nice? because, frankly, i think that's shitty. its seems like he's just trying to bring you down. and i think i've been reading too much carolyn hax because i think that seems controlling.

    and yay! we're going to have fun tonight!

    By Blogger al, at 10:48 AM  

  • The optimist in me wants to say: but AT LEAST YOU GOT LAID.
    However, the realist in me says: YES- BOYS SUCK.

    And b/c we're women, usually the latter prevails over the former.

    So, to flash back to RossnRachel -> does this mean you're "on a break"?

    By Blogger akd, at 11:01 AM  

  • Dude call me first of all and I'll do my best not to talk about Apple Jacks. And it's not that you're not nice it's just that you're not NOT nice but fuck man that's who you are. And who the hell really wants to be around people who are nice all the time... they weird me out.

    By Blogger Aundra, at 12:47 PM  

  • this guy is a d-bag. he totally tricked you. he gets you to open up to him because he did first then goes back on it and makes you feel like an ass.

    i think he needs to pull the moose out of his ass and deal with the situation.

    By Anonymous mcgeekan, at 8:39 PM  

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