Paste it in the head!

Spinster

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

The fat lady, she has sung

First of all, I'm sitting in my cataloguing class, typing this. I can honestly say that I have paid exactly no attention to this class. It's not because I don't want to, but we went over this stuff (AACR2) in my archival arrangement class last year, and I know that just blabbing about the rules isn't going to help me. Plus, I had some work to do for another class.

Anyway, the title of this post refers to the fact that I am no longer confused about things with me and that boy, military man. It's over. After a couple days of confusingly sweet I-like-you-I-like-you-too emails (and one "I kinda love you" email from him), I decided to take the bull by the balls. If there is one thing I don't deal well with in affairs of the heart, it's indecisiveness. In my mind, if you're not sure about being with me, we probably shouldn't be together. Last night, I called him and demanded that we discuss this, and that he give me an answer to the question, "If you weren't leaving, would you want to be with me?" After asking for more time to think about it and being denied said time (as I say, if you need time it ain't gonna happen), he said he figured we'd be better off as friends. To which I replied, "Ok. Or how about not." I don't really do the "friends" thing well, unless it's someone who I've gone out with for a long time. So, that's that. It's done. It's over.

Do I seem too rigid with this stuff, with these rules? Perhaps. I'm usually very quick to define things; I like categories, I like certainty--these things help me figure out the world and my place in it. Boys generally don't like that; they don't like being pinned down. Which I understand, but I can't seem to accept. I need to know if you want to be in a relationship with me. I don't do casual sex and I don't do fuck buddies. I am looking for a relationship, and if you're not, we're both wasting our time. As for being "friends," let's be honest about that. It very rarely works, trying to create a friendship out of something that wasn't based in friendship in the first place. The ONLY ex-boyfriend that I have any sort of relationship with currently is Vito, who I dated for three years in college. I wouldn't necessarily call us friends, cause our relationship is much more complicated than that, but we do keep in touch, albeit loosely. He is, quite honestly, the only ex I've ever been interested in maintaining a true relationship of some kind with, perhaps because we shared so much and he knew me so well.

I feel pretty drained from this drama with Military Man. I really liked him, and had hope for our relationship. But once again, it went nowhere. Universe, what the hell are you trying to tell me?

3 Comments:

  • As I've said I'm very proud of you!

    By Blogger Aundra, at 1:05 AM  

  • Yes, I am proud of you also. I am so sorry you had to go through all this.

    I think it's ridiculous that he suggested staying friends. If, as he said, you two have such different personalities, I don't really see how being friends would work out. MORON. What an indecisive guy.

    By Anonymous Lorien, at 11:03 PM  

  • I KNOW. Like, "I don't like your personality enough to want to date you, but I think we'd make great friends." Suuuuure. Stupid boy bullshit!

    By Blogger Tasha, at 6:45 AM  

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