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Tuesday, September 12, 2006

...and, end resolutions. Plus some boy musings.

First week of school and resolutions have already been broken. The procrastination? It has begun (although not too badly, since I did a bunch of photocopying this afternoon and plan on reading tonight). Paying attention in class? I'm writing this from Introduction to Bibliographic Control. (It's not my fault that it's boring, though, right?)

Ok. Let's talk about my burgeoning relationship with my military man. We spent Saturday night/Sunday morning/Sunday afternoon together, and as usual it was great. At this point, we're still learning about each other and I think that the all-too-human aspects of our personalities (and by our personalities, I mean my personality) and differences in worldview have begun to emerge.

I guess that I'm specifically talking about certain traits that I have that aren't wonderful and that can make me a difficult person to get along with. (Although I like to think that these same traits make me a complex and interesting person, but that's neither here nor there.) Can I just be honest for a second? (Hell yeah, I can. This is my blog!) See, I'm not the nicest or most altruistic person on earth: I don't love babies, sometimes I hate people because their clothes suck or because they're too cheerful in the morning (loud girl in class, I'm talking to you!), and I can be really selfish. My boy, on the other hand, is practically the definition of "kind." He reserves judgment, or tries to, until he actually knows a person--I've heard this is called "giving people a chance," but what the hell do I know?--and certainly would never claim to hate anyone simply because they don't hate mornings. He's in between activities at the moment, and so he's volunteering at the SPCA, a nursing home, and a soup kitchen. The last time I volunteered? Was cause I didn't feel like getting a job and needed something to put on my resume. (And it was at a historic house, not a soup kitchen.) Compound these aspects of my personality with my impermeable (so far) tendency to see the glass as half-empty, and I wonder how long someone as good as my boy will be sticking around.

However--and this next bit is simply to assuage my own self-doubt--I hope he can see beyond the crotchety surface. I may not like everyone in the world, or even humanity in general, but I love those I do like. I don't suffer fools gladly, but I like to think that means I have standards. I can be a fiercely loyal friend. I try not to be careless with others' feelings (though sometimes I fail, inevitably). I love animals and hate money. I believe fervently in human rights. I am, at the very least, aware of my shortcomings, for whatever that's worth. Basically, while I may not be the next Mother Theresa, I also don't think I'm a candidate for the fiery depths of hell. I guess that, right now, he's still up on the pedestal--even though he was teetering over the weekend, he hasn't fallen. I kind of wish he would, cause then I wouldn't worry so much about how undeserving I am of my own pedestal.

2 Comments:

  • except those are the reasons I like you Tasha, as I see myself relected in them. I personally wonder about people who like everyone...or at least who don't dislike a lot of people. I like to think of my judgement as discriminating taste. and that's how I think of yours. so, there.

    By Blogger heather., at 10:08 PM  

  • me too.

    also, mother theresa fostered the caste system with a cult of suffering. and because you've never subjugated people, i'm willing to put forward that you might even be better than mother theresa.

    don't even get me started on gandhi.

    By Blogger al, at 11:06 PM  

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