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Friday, June 02, 2006

Reflections

Surprisingly, as exciting as my life is right now (eat, work, eat, sleep), I don’t really have too much to talk about. I bought dye yesterday, and Lorien and I are going to paint some yarn next weekend; I missed the season finale of The Office cause I was working (damn you, Thursday night!); um… see, I can’t even think of a third thing to add to my list. That’s how slow things are right now. But that’s ok, I suppose. It doesn’t really bother me.

I have been thinking a lot about Turkey and travel and life in general. You know how people always say, “Time flies when you’re having fun”? Well, in Turkey I was definitely having fun but those two weeks went by so slowly. And now that I’m back, and back at work, I wouldn’t necessarily say that I’m having fun, but time is going so fast. I think that in Turkey, there was so much to see and do that I was so conscious of each moment. I knew that it would be a long time before I’d be able to travel like that again and I wanted to really be present. That’s a problem of mine—I’m always looking ahead, I expect the future to be so much better than the present. Inevitably, I end up being so fixated on what’s going to happen next that I’m not fully aware of what’s happening now. I made a conscious effort in Turkey to really be there, and to take in as much as I could.

I would like to recapture that feeling here, but how can I? Do I really want to be present every minute at work, or when I have horrendous papers to write? I feel like I’ve accepted the fact that this library science/archives program and possibly career is not necessarily my calling in life, if such a thing exists, and I would like to make the best of it, but if it’s not what I love should I try to be uber-conscious of it? Won’t that just make it that much more painful, that I’m spending two years surrounded by people who are fascinated by things like human-computer interaction (bores me to tears), when I’d really be doing something so much more creative and free?

It’s not that I want constant excitement or stimulation; far from it, in fact. I’d rather just be content, knowing that what I was doing with my time was productive and healthy and creative and good. I don’t have to make tons of money, though I’d like to be comfortable financially, and I definitely don’t need fame or followers.

I’m pretty sure that I won’t ever be locked in the ivory tower (thank God), so maybe I’m just feeling stifled by academia. I mean, I like my job well enough; it appeals to the side of me that enjoys putting together puzzles, but I certainly wouldn’t want to write papers about the philosophy of records management, or even archives. I guess I won’t know how much I actually like archives or libraries until I get out into the working world. For the time being, I guess I’ll just choose my moments to be present. For example, I don’t need to remember every second of writing my research methods paper…

5 Comments:

  • Well, Tasha, you are also surrounded by people like me (or at least will be when I finally return in Sept.) - a person who also finds human-computer interaction mind-numbingly boring and couldn't really care less about usability. And if I have to participate in the discourse "what is information" one more time, I just might jump off the top of Robarts. So, at least we have each other.

    By Blogger heather., at 2:39 PM  

  • Choosing your "present" moments is a very good philosophy for life. I know so many people that are numb to everything/every experience around them - they never find fulfillment in anything. And then there are those that are so fucking stupid and ambitious to think that they can take in every moment of their life after watching one episode of Oprah and come out alive and vibrant (I hate those people.) Both extremes leave you just as jaded and emotionally exhausted I think. The good thing about you though Tasha is that you have hobbies that you are passionate about - that you really put effort into - those are things that you will get the most out of anyway.

    The End :)

    By Anonymous Ninon, at 3:47 PM  

  • I second Heather's thoughts. At the moment, the deep die-hard acadmic is just not a burning desire esp. on some of the tedious topics we have been exposed to thus far.

    However, on the lighter side of things, i think this degree is fairly versatile and can act as a good foundation for venturing into different jobs, eg. marketing, research, techie stuff etc.
    One more year and you'll find out what it's like "in the real world" and you may find yourself saying, "i wish i was in school again" ! ;P

    By Blogger akd, at 10:14 PM  

  • I'd like to point out that if you choose your moments to be "in the moment" then it may be difficult to take pleasure in new, less exciting experiences because you won't really experience them. Learning to be present means learning to stay, even if it's difficult and as you learn to stay present, you learn to appreciate the present. Needless to say, I cannot do that. And so, I shall go meditate. And yes, people who talk about being present without engaging in any meaningful practice of being present are annoying. And meditation is not flaky but the popularization of mindfulness practice is.

    By Anonymous Lorien, at 11:46 PM  

  • i don't want to take pleasure in not exciting experiences.

    By Blogger Tasha, at 11:50 PM  

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