Paste it in the head!

Spinster

Sunday, April 16, 2006

My mom is hilarious

I'm going to Turkey for a couple weeks in May with my parents. Apparently my dad brought home a Turkish phrasebook the other night and proudly presented it to my mom. She promptly informed him that she already knew the two words she needed to know for the trip--bira and "cigaro." That last one she might have just made up. That's kind of her approach to Spanish as well--just stick an "a" or an "o" on the end of an English word, and it's Instant Spanish, or Instant Turkish, or whatever. It's not that my mother doesn't respect other cultures, it's just that she figures that there are only two things she needs in order to have a good time wherever she is--beer and cigarettes. You have to admire her for her simplicity.

When David Sedaris came to Books & Books, one of the things he requested (and by "requested," I mean "demanded") was that he be allowed to smoke in the store. He's one of my favorite writers and I have made both of my parents read his books. I got them tickets to his talk, and my mom was in full form that night. She has real long dark hair and she's very thin (she pretty much lives on coffee, cigarettes, and beer--I figure that even though beer has tons of calories, they all cancel each other out in the end), and she was wearing this trippy black and white swirly dress, heels, and big clunky plastic bracelets. She rolls her own cigarettes and carries a supply around with her in case she gets a free moment. So after Sedaris read (and he was hilarious, by the way), everyone lined up to get their books signed, and my parents somehow made it to the front of the line. I'd brought all of my books for him to sign and gave them to my parents, since I was on crowd control. My mom struck up a conversation with him about cigarettes and the many joys of smoking. They got so friendly that she gave him one of her hand-rolled cigarettes and a kiss on the cheek, and he wrote in her book, "Don't ever quit."

I love my mom but we are so different. When my coworkers and bosses met her that night at the bookstore, they couldn't understand how she and I were related. However, she's totally the light of my family. And when I called her today to make her tell me that I'm pretty, she told me that I'm a 15 on a scale of 1 to 10. So basically, my mom is a fuckin' rock star.

3 Comments:

  • That is a fabulous story. Your mom is fantastic.

    By Blogger McGeekan, at 9:36 AM  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger McGeekan, at 9:36 AM  

  • You and your mom are like a polar opposites (yeah i know i can't spell but someone has to teach the youth). And if any two opposites work, ever two ying and yangs it's you two. Though i do have a couple of memories of you telling me how much of a pain in the ass your mom is.

    By Blogger Aundra, at 6:06 PM  

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