Paste it in the head!


Saturday, April 29, 2006

Dear All of the Stupid Teenagers at the Eaton Center

I know that the boho/hobo/whatever look is in style right now, or was in style last year, or something, but after watching you guys today at the mall, I think you're going to need some sartorial help if you want to navigate life outside of the hallowed halls of high school without looking borderline homeless. Here are some suggestions:

1. It is highly inappropriate to wear sweatpants--torn, dirty sweatpants, no less--anywhere except a) the gym and b) the couch. If you are going to a public space, you MUST wear some kind of actual pants. May I suggest jeans? Mary-Kate and Lindsay may disagree with me, but I have the entire adult community of the world on my side, ladies.

2. Uggs are played.

3. Do not, under any circumstances, leave the house looking like you haven't brushed your hair in months. If I, standing behind you in line, can see clumps of matted hair (and don't even TRY the dreadlocks excuse; we both know you're not that cool, and futhermore, white people and dreadlocks are ridiculous together), it's time to become friends with the hair brush.

4. Your Louis Vuitton bag SO does not go with holey t-shirts and sweats. If you can fucking afford LV, you can put on a pair of real pants.

Basically, ditch the sweats and brush your hair. That way, real adults with actual jobs won't completely hate you, and you might actually survive university and the working world.



  • The hair brushing thing is the clincher. I do (i know i know) do the drity skruby left over make up on my face look some times but i at least put even my short hair in a pony tail.

    By Blogger Aundra, at 9:35 PM  

  • you said it girl.
    but don't forget to tell them that if and when they DO wear jeans, not to leave their belly flab hanging out.

    By Blogger akd, at 9:59 AM  

  • OMG - I can barely go to Lloyd Center anymore without coming out of the experience even more jaded! One also cannot leave out the girls that let their skanky Forever 21 thongs hang out of their low-rise jeans. I actually think those wenches take pride in it! I would much rather see an ass crack any day than a $3 thong staring me in the face.

    By Anonymous Ninon, at 12:28 PM  

  • crap. i wrote a comment and i wasn't signed i lost it.

    this is something like what i wrote before.

    i don't like the tights under the short skirts. while i like clothing trends as much as the next gal (read: extra long tank tops). but the tights: they just look too stolen from celebrities.

    By Blogger al, at 1:57 PM  

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